BDSM, Dominance, Submission, The Dominant Submissive

The Dominant Submissive

Is this the ideal description of me? I don’t know, but it almost makes sense. I’ve been told too many times over the years that I don’t look or act submissive. Interesting… Never knew that as a submissive, we all have to have the same look and act the same but a Dominant can be and look how they want, hmmm.

It’s only been over 25 years since I ‘entered the dark side’ and decided to pursue something that a former lover introduced me to. The excitement from the freedom (which is ironic since I am actually submissive and crave being at someone’s mercy and under their control) of submitting is invigorating. It allows me to be who I am without me losing who I am in the process. The portrayal of strength is not what being submissive is about…..  If…. you listen… to the wrong people… Luckily, my strength has allowed me to be, in my opinion, a better submissive.

The scene, just like most things in life, has changed drastically. When I first entered the scene, most Dominants wanted strong submissives serving them. We were always told that we represent who we serve. A strong Dominant cherished a strong submissive, so, my strength became an asset to and for the Women I’ve served over the years. But, it seems that there has been an unhealthy shift in the game! Now, most of the Women I encounter these days who claim to be Dominant, only want weak people by their side. They want doormats and ‘inferior’ people at their feet. I mean, superior is subjective these days. I have served several women who felt their superiority over me without trying to take my strength away. They were able and knew how to use my strength against me, to and for their benefit. So, yes, they were superior in that way and through my interactions, even my weaknesses were strengthened!

I’ve met many women over the years who don’t have that mindset and that’s ok. I just don’t understand that if you consider yourself dominant and/or superior, that you would want to claim a less than stellar person as yours. I entered this realm when it was still underground and you had to actually SEARCH to find like-minded people or places where such activities thrived under the radar. The mood and mindset were more genuine in the sense that for whatever reason or however people found out about this ‘underground’ world, you had to find it or discover it within yourself to discover it in general.

But, that’s another story for another time! I am glad I never let the naysayers dictate how I should be as a submissive, especially when it came to me having strength as a submissive. If only some of you knew how much strength it takes to voluntarily submit to a person and/or a situation that, in theory, can be beneficial, but, at the exact moment of the task or situation, it takes a lot to not follow your instincts. I wholeheartedly appreciate EVERY experience I’ve had and also acknowledge all that I have learned through my experiences with the many Women I was lucky to serve.

Does naming this site The Dominant Submissive imply that I label myself as Dominant? No, it doesn’t, but, it also shows that based on other people’s thought process as to how a dominant and/or submissive should be, act and look, presents the mischaracterization of what or even who I should be based on my appearance and/or the way I carry myself. I’d like to apologize to all the people who think because I don’t carry myself as weak or that I don’t crawl and subject myself to humiliation just because I label myself as submissive and I don’t ‘come across’ as one.

Yes, The Dominant Submissive is an oxymoron but it makes sense in my mind because I am not trying to be dominant with my submission. I am just utilizing the strength I was born with, to be a better submissive based on my learnings and interactions over the years in this scene. If speaking up for myself or protecting myself gets me labeled as ‘not submissive’, then I agree because I am not submissive to you!

I do hope that my writings give you insight into how I think or what I’ve experienced or just my thoughts roving in the scene as I try to become better at being me through my submission. You will probably see me writing in a way that most would disagree with simply because I label myself a submissive. I’m cool with that, this is what makes the world go round, but I do hope I can help a few by detailing my experience and thoughts as I know there are others out there who may want and/or need guidance to navigate through the GPS of the fetish world! I hope I don’t disappoint!